


After the party

by Ptolemia



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, drunken tomfoolery, honestly what more could u want in a fic???, maybe some actually quality writing but lmao ya aint gettin that, sober disdain, sorry lmao, way too soon banter abt yvette beheading ppl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4865987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ptolemia/pseuds/Ptolemia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a tumblr prompt for drunkenness and sleepy Gayperion. Au where they're dating before the events of the game.</p><p>Does what it says on the tin, really. Rhys gets back drunk from an office party and says some things, most of them very silly. Yvette threatens to behead him, but she's got to be joking, right? And Vaughn, well, Vaughn really just wants to go to sleep...</p>
            </blockquote>





	After the party

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so fun fact im actually drunk as heck myself while posting this so/?? lmao there might be some errors. but did u kno they sell alcohol in little packets like capri sun???? did u kno that u can drink them real fast and then be like. shit. fuck. im drunk. because thats a thing,,, its great,,,,,,,,,
> 
> it took me ages to get this done because i just got sO SALTY abt the lack of cutesy gayperion that i kinda had to take a break for a while and also im workin on cosplay and uni stuff and?? ya know how it is. anyways idk. im afraid it aint the greatest thing ive ever done but i hope yall like it anyways. i got another couple prompts im workin on too so if u sent me one I PROMISE I WILL GET IT DONE SOON <3
> 
> and if u HAVENT sent me one u should come on over to my beautiful blog on tumbler dot com and provide me with some choice prompts or just follow me or what have u... anywasys yup i am moist-von-lipwig.tumblr.com come say hi!! <333
> 
> also i want to state here n now that the only way i can cope with the whole dealio with yvette in ep 4 is by either jokin abt it or rampant denial so ur gettin jokes here and hopefully some denial later cos im TOTALLY WRITING FIX-IT
> 
> anyways sorry u came here for fic not for my drunk ass writing yall a fuckin novel in the fuckin notes so im gonna leave it here hope u enjoy urself because i sure the hell am!! CAPRI-SUN WITH ALCOHOL!! good shit

Vaughn's about to turn in for the night when he hears the knock on the door. He hesitates for a moment, wiggling his toes thoughtfully in his fluffy plush skag slippers, and contemplates the possibility of just going to bed and pretending he'd been asleep all along. He's actually halfway into the bedroom before a second knock, more insistent and accompanied by the muffled sound of Yvette yelling something indecipherable at him, makes him turn round and slouch toward the door. He swings it open, blinking at the sudden bright light from the corridor beyond. He looks up at Yvette, who appears to be absolutely seething with rage - and then at Rhys, who is drunkenly slumped at her side with one arm on her shoulder, face blank and jaw slack, and so slouched over that for once Vaughn doesn't have to look up to look him in the eye.

 

"Uh-oh," says Vaughn.

"Do you want to deal with this?" says Yvette, through gritted teeth.

Vaughn looks from her, to Rhys (now drooling a little), and then back again. He shrugs. "Not really."

"Ok, well, just so you know - you probably should take him off my hands right now. Like, _right_ now.”

“Why?”

“Because I am at the end of my tether and honestly if I have anything to do with it I'm going to deal with this situation by forcibly removing his head and... I don't know. Mounting it on a stake or something."

"Hey, you could stick it in your office to scare off those interns you said were bothering you."

"I'm not joking."

"Neither am I. It would be terrifying, and the interns would be afraid."

"If you had had the evening I've had-" begins Yvette.

"Woo," says Rhys, very quietly, “Party!”

“Aw,” says Vaughn, “He had fun.”

“Well I didn't,” says Yvette. “You know Sally? She does a bunch of requisitions stuff for the canteen. Blue hair. Kinda tall.”

“Uh, maybe?”

“Ok, well, she's cute and we got chatting and she went to buy me a drink - which is always good because the best kind of drink is a free drink - but you know what I was doing when she came back? I was in the toilet holding back Rhys' hair while he vomited! Wasn't I, Rhys? Hmm? Which was, y'know, really a great time. So you know what Sally did? She gave the drink to Jake and they left together! So, thanks, Rhys. Really great wing-manning there.”

“Uh, hey, 's no problem,” mumbles Rhys, and then- “Oh, wait, that was sarcastic. Right? Like, a sarcastic thanks. Like you were all there being sneaky because you were doing the whole Hyperion thing with the nice stuff thats actually nasty stuff but then I saw through it so I was like. Bam. Gotcha. Sarcasm.”

“Wow Rhys, you cottoned on to that so fast! Well done,” says Yvette, putting on her best Hyperion smile, eyes burning.

“Yvette?” says Rhys, gazing up at her with some difficulty.

“Mmm-hmm?”

“You're... kinda scaring me.”

“Good!”

Rhys turns to Vaughn, pouting. “Vaughn,Yvette is being, like, super mean right now.”

“Sounds like you kinda deserve it, man.”

“Damn right he does,” says Yvette.

Rhys pouts. “Vaughn?”

“Yeah?”

“Want a hug.”

 

Vaughn sighs, reaching an arm out to support Rhys and gently manoeuvring him toward the door. “C'mere bro. I've got you.”

Yvette relinquishes her hold on Rhys so fast he almost topples over onto Vaughn. She steps back and brushes her hands together with an expression of intense distaste. “That was not my idea of fun,” she says, as she turns and begins to stalk off down the corridor.

“Wait,” calls Vaughn, “Aren't you going to stay and help? He's kinda-”

“I'm fiiiiine,” slurs Rhys, patting Vaughn on the cheek. “Yvette can go. She keeps yelling at me, anyway.”

“Yeah, I'm not sticking around for any more of this,” says Yvette.

Vaughn gazes helplessly up at her. “Yvette, come on, I don't know how to deal with drunk people. They laugh too much and they fall over stuff. That's why I don't do the whole party thing! Well, that and the fact I wasn't invited, but... Anyway that's, uh, that's not the point. The point is- I mean, what if he chokes, or something? What if he has some kind of severe allergic reaction to all the toxins in his liver and then his face explodes or something? What if-”

“Nuh-uh. He'll be fine.”

“But-”

“I've done my bit here and frankly I wash my hands of it.”

Vaughn sighs. “But you're the _sensible_ one. I need you to help me-”

“Wait, hell no, I'm not the sensible one. You're the sensible one!”

“What? Are you crazy? There's no way I'm... no.”

“Well, it's not me, and it sure as hell isn't Mr Droolbucket over there,” says Yvette, shooting another glare at Rhys, who grins lopsidedly and waves at her, “So, y'know, process of elimination...”

“I am not the sensible one,” says Vaughn, flatly.

“Well, neither am I, that's all I'm saying.”

“But if you're not the sensible one, and I'm not the sensible one... who's driving the car?” says Vaughn.

The corners of Yvette's mouth twitch into a little smirk. “Oh, very funny.”

“I thought so.”

She rolls her eyes. “Right, look, I'm going. If you really need me – now you hear me saying _really_ , okay, and you pay attention to that because I do mean it – then you know where to call.”

“Urgh, fine. And, Yvette?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for looking out for Rhys,” says Vaughn.

“Well, what are friends for, right?” She pecks his cheek gently. “Love you lots, shortass.”

“Hey, love you too.”

Rhys clears his throat as Yvette turns to leave. “Uh, hello? What about me?”

“What about you?” she growls.

His face falls. “You're really mad?”

“Yes, I'm mad,” she says, tone softening as she turns round and dutifully kisses his cheek too. “Very mad.”

“But you love me?”

“Eh, I guess. A little.”

“Love you too.”

“Alright, alright, that's- no, don't try to hug me, you're gross. I'm going. You're both horrible and you're making me feel weird.”

“That's friendship you're feeling, Yvette,” Vaughn says, calling after her as she scurries off down the hall.

“Well, it's disgusting and I don't like it,” she calls back over her shoulder as she disappears round the corner, sound of heels click-clacking away into the distance.

 

They stand in the doorway for a moment, gazing after her.

“Yvette's a nice lady,” says Rhys, and then he hiccups. “I'm kinda dizzy. Woah. There's the ground.”

“Yup, that's... that sure is the ground, dude. Hey, no, c'mon, don't lean over like that, you're gonna knock me over.”

“I just gotta, just... 'm gonna sit down... for a second...” mutters Rhys.

“Ok, well, how about we go inside and- right, no, ok, we're sitting down here, huh?” says Vaughn, accepting his fate with relatively good grace as Rhys crumples onto the ugly yellow carpet of the corridor floor, dragging Vaughn down with him.

“Sorry man,” Rhys mumbles, “I'm feeling kinda light-headed. I mean. Just a bit.”

“Just a bit, huh?”

“Yeah I, uh,” Rhys glances from side to side, leans in, and lowers his voice as though he's imparting a huge secret, “I might be slightly tipsy.”

“Slightly? You're- no, ok, no you are not 'slightly' anything. You're drunk.”

“Me? Whaaaat? That's... that's ridiculous. I'm? I mean, me? Drunk? That's not... god what a... pfft... drunk... what a joke...”

Vaughn raises an eyebrow at him.

“I'm not!” protests Rhys, and then seems to wilt a little under Vaughn's stern glare. “I'm... I mean... alright, maybe a little.”

“You're definitely more than 'a little' drunk, bro.”

Rhys presses a finger to Vaughn's lips with a lopsided smirk. “Shh! Don't tell Yvette.”

“Yvette left, dude. She's probably back at her apartment by now.”

“Yvette has ears, like, everywhere. I mean, not literal ears. That would be weird. Imagine, like, ok, imagine a wall, but with Yvette's ears. That would be so weird, man.”

“I mean... you're not wrong.”

 

Rhys yawns, stretches, and then leans up against Vaughn's shoulder with a contented hum. “Mmm, I'm never wrong.”

Vaughn snorts. “Oh, sure, yeah, you've never, uh, put your pants on backwards and worn them all day without noticing? I mean, just as a random example. Oh, and you've never totally underestimated Elpis' surface-to-volume ratio? That was embarrassing. And, uh, what else... you've never, I don't know – messed up a presentation to Henderson? Taken the wrong lift and ended up three miles away from where you were supposed to be? Declared, on the first day that you met Vasquez, that you had a feeling you guys were going to get along? You've never-”

“No, ok, I didn't _actually_ think we were going to get along.”

“But you said-”

“Eh,” says Rhys, waving his hands vaguely, “Wishful thinking. I mean, ok, maybe when I first met him was like, well, he's kinda cute, so I was like, hey, I hope he's not a total asshole... but then he opens his mouth and it's just. Urgh. Bullshit. Bullshit with a side of weird dick metaphors.”

“You thought _Vasquez_ was _cute_?”

“I mean, pfft, it's not... I mean, it was before I really knew him and... oh man,” says Rhys, drink-blurred eyes slowly resolving themselves into a look of vague horror, “are you- why are you grinning like that?”

“You've gotta admit that's pretty funny, bro.”

“It's not funny! It's embarrassing and awful and I wish I could unthink it, like, retro- ret-retrospecsiv- uh, in the past.”

Vaughn snorts. “It's embarrassing for _you_. It's kinda hilarious for me.”

Rhys sighs. “Why do I get the feeling that sober me is really gonna regret having mentioned this?”

“Well, I mean, I'm probably going to have to tease you about that for the rest of your life, so...”

“Aww, c'mon bro,” says Rhys, with a pout, “don't you love me?”

“Of course I do.”

“So, can't you just, like, forget I said it?”

“Uh, no. Waaaaay too much comic potential for me to just drop it.”

“Please?”

“Nope.”

 

Rhys covers his face with his hands and whines softly. It's... weirdly endearing. Vaughn reaches out and strokes his shoulder.

“Hey, c'mon, let's get you a glass of water, hmm?”

Rhys continues to whine, but at a slightly lower volume.

Vaughn leans in and gently kisses the backs of Rhys' hands. “Seriously bro, glass of water and bed.”

Rhys sighs, allowing Vaughn to drag him up off the floor into what might very loosely be termed a standing position. “Oh, now you care, huh?”

“Well, you have to get a good night's sleep so I can tease you mercilessly tomorrow.”

Rhys groans. “I don't deserve this.”

“Yes you do,” says Vaughn, slightly breathless with the effort of hauling Rhys out of the corridor and into the flat.

“I'm a good person!”

“Seriously?”

“Ok, well, no, but I'm... I'm a good employee.”

“You're a very drunk employee who is going to be going to work with a horrible hangover tomorrow.”

“Ok, right, but I'm still _good_. And you know what else I'm good at?”

“What?”

“Wingman duties. You just ask Yvette.”

“Dude, I feel like you ruining Yvette's chances with that girl is pretty much, y'know, the opposite of being good at wingman duties.”

“That's one time. 'm allowed to have off days.”

“And you were always awful when you used to wingman for me back in college.”

“Yeah, 's because I didn't want to set you up with other guys, duh.”

“What?”

Rhys nuzzles into Vaughn's neck, making a vague slurred humming noise. “Mmm. Had a stupid big crush on you.”

“You- wait, what, in college? But that was years before we actually-”

“Mmm.”

 

Vaughn doesn't say anything, half because he's busy trying hold up an increasingly unbalanced Rhys and pour a glass of water at the same time, half because he doesn't know quite what to say to that. 'Since college' is... a long time. It should probably should be flattering or something – and, ok, so maybe it is kind of, well, super flattering - only the thought of Rhys liking him for that long and not saying anything is making his heart ache. Which is dumb, really, because of course it's all fine _now_ , but... still.

Rhys, who doesn't appear to be at all concerned about any of that, just grins, and says, “I mean, y'know, super big secret bro, but I, like, totally still do have a stupid big crush on you.”

Vaughn hands him the glass of water, rolling his eyes fondly. “What? No way. I would never have guessed. My boyfriend has a crush on me. Incredible.”

“And do you?” asks Rhys, taking a big gulp of water, managing to slosh a good half of it down his front.

“Oh, hey, careful there – don't- bro, please don't drop the glass, ok?”

“'Kay. But do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you have a crush on me?”

Vaughn sighs. “We've been dating for nearly two years, bro.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Right.”

“Right. But do you have a crush on me?”

“I-” Vaughn sighs again, but then he glances over at Rhys, wide-eyed and expectant and definitely drooling a bit – again – and he can't bring himself to argue that that's a stupid question. So instead he smiles, and kisses Rhys' nose, and whispers, “The stupidest biggest crush, bro.”

“Dude,” says Rhys, “That's a little gay.”

“I-”

“Just,” splutters Rhys, giggling so hard he has trouble getting the words out, “just... pfft, just like you.”

“I can't-”

“Get it? Because you're short.”

Vaughn groans. “Ok, right, that's enough. Put the glass down. It's bedtime.”

 

Rhys obliges, and stumbles into the bedroom with considerable assistance from Vaughn but happily no major mishaps, although he does start laughing so hard at one point that he has to sit down again.

“A little- no, Vaughn, because it's funny because-” he collapses into giggles again, “because you're short which is, like, little, and I said-” another peal of laughter, “dude, fuck, I can't- ok, so I said- I said you're a little-” and after that he stops speaking and just howls with laughter.

Vaughn just sighs long-sufferingly, waits until Rhys is coherent enough to stand up again, and then hoists him back onto his feet and into the bedroom. He places Rhys gently down on the bed and carefully slips his shoes and tie off, but fails to persuade Rhys that sleeping in his nice shirt is probably a bad idea, so that stays. Thankfully Rhys does manage to remove his arm – which is vaguely grimy and looks like it's had beer sloshed on it - but Vaughn has to go and put it on the table because Rhys wobbles alarmingly when he stands back up.

 

By the time he's returned Rhys is snuggled up under the covers, half asleep and snuffling quietly to himself when Vaughn curls up next to him.

“You're the best, bro,” he mumbles.

“Yeah,” says Vaughn, with a little smile, “you too.”


End file.
